Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
