if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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