he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
