I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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