You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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