so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize