I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
