Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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