Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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