i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
