I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
