His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
