When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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