The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
