she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
