I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My cat gives me a boner
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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