sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
