why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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