I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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