Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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