the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize