my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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