how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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