forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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