OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
