oh god the rape fog is back!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
