Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
