shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
