I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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