is your mom at the bar?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize