I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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