Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
