Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
