hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
