maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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