i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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