just come out here and I will go home with you...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
