had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My vagina is officially offended.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
