My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
