making cat noises will not fix the situation.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
