omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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