mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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