he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
