you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
