Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize