I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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