it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Randomize
