You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
