I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
