I'm going to jail i love you
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize