I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
