how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize