a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
