You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
