Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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