craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
