I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
