remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
