The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize