we have officially lost it.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
honey bunches of taint.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
