She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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