i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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