I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
