So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize