Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
