I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
