Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
