guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
