I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Who died my cat blue again?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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