"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
