Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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