He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
