were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
