What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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