Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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