you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Randomize
