Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
