I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
